I have never felt so alone in my entire life.

After the whole texting fiasco, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I felt so stupid. I was also upset though. I wanted to see him, and I also wanted to get just my stuff and be done with it. It was like a task looming over my head. And I wanted to go, so I did. You know me.

So I texted him that if he was home, I wanted to get my stuff. And he said he was out bike riding with David, and that he’d be back in an hour.

I had already spent the day cleaning and getting ready, bc I had unconfirmed plans with several people who I told yesterday that I wanted to go out with. Random people, lol. Anyone to go dancing with and try to get my mind off things. Like Jessica Jones, or Anthony Lopez, or Ila, or my bi friend Raquel from NYU.

But after the texting fiaso, I didn’t feel like going out. I just wanted to see him, or be upset at him, or cry, which I did.

So I went over to his neighborhood an hour later. And I stopped to get something to eat, bc I hadn’t eaten all day. It was like 11p. And I texted him that I was near. And after 30 mins, he never texted me back. And so I sat in the parking lot of McDonalds, crying to Guillermo & Gin. I felt like such a loser, and so alone. I miss my family, I miss home, I actually miss Guillermo. He may have problems that he needs to sort out in his life, but at least he is my friend and is always there for me.

Finally Mohammad texted me back that he just got my messages and was heading back to their place. I was upset. I told him, that I was going to come over and get my stuff and get it over with. He said Ok, let me know when you’re downstairs. So I went over, and then texted him when I got there.

He brought down a Scarface poster that I let him put up in his new apartment, that Darc gave to me the last time I saw him. And I gave him all of his socks that I borrowed. I was short with him, I just wanted to get my stuff and and then leave. But of course it wasn’t like that. He started talking. And I started crying, and he started crying. And then it just became the same beaten up conversation, and why and please and no, and don’t and I’m sorry, and I love you, but… And we stood out there for like and hour, and it was even harder this time. Because I knew how hard it was to try to get over him, and I knew how hard it was to try to walk away the first time. And it was so much harder this time.

I couldn’t leave. I wouldn’t. I tried for like 30 minutes. I couldn’t stop crying. It was like 1a, and he had work at 4a today. Finally, I was so exhausted. I was so tired. My head hurt from crying so hard, and the tears were just streaming out of their own accord. I finally sat in my car, and he slowly closed the door. And he started walking up his stairs, and he stopped at the top, and looked back for a good minute before going inside and closing his door.

I sat outside for like 10 minutes crying and trying to calm myself down enough to drive away. I finally did. And I came home to my bed. And my electric blanket, and my stuffed animal that Cyn gave me when I was sad. And I cried myself to sleep, and to bad, bad dreams.

I feel so broken, and hurt and alone, and meaningless, and useless, and dead. That’s it. I don’t want to work anymore, I don’t want to be here anymore, I don’t want to live anymore. I can’t. It’s not fair. What type of world is it, where love isn’t enough? What type of person is he to sacrifice that? To stare me in the eye and tell me he loves me, and then turn me away? I wasn’t enough for him. He said he’s sorry he wasn’t strong enough to face the consequences that being with me would cause. I would do anything for him, but he wouldn’t do anything for me. He doesn’t want to be with me. I’m just a sorry leech that is trying to win him over, trying to suck love and live out of him. He doesn’t love me. He really doesn’t. He just wants to give up. It never meant the same to him. He never really wanted to be with me.

And now it’s over. I hate him. I’m so mad at him. Why doesn’t he want me? I could imagine the conversation with his parents:

“I love your son, and I would do anything for him.”

“But obviously he chose us over you. What does that tell you?”

And it’s true. He chose them, he chose himself. Not me. Never me.

Ok. I can try to deal with that. I can try. I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying. Pick myself up. Stop crying.

But it’s not fair, Reggie. It’s just not fair.

Words can’t express how much I feel right now. One night, we celebrated our nearly graduation time. My friends and I went to one of our friend’s house and there we drank, smoked, chatted and everything that college friends will do. I’ll never forget the deal I had with one of my girl friend. The deal was to make our dare devil leader jealous by means of sitting close to her crush which is also our friend.

I got drank that night I’m not used to drinking to tell you the truth, I only drink when all of my friends are drinking. That night I got the courage to do what I had to do but I exceeded my limitations, our leader got jealous, mission accomplished. But I wish I stopped when I hugged her love of her life. I even dare to kiss him without thinking then all of a sudden I had kissed almost all of my guy friends. I wish I had controlled myself. After that night, I never texted anyone for I know it’s over that night. I know everyone has their own business and love life. I don’t like to interfere and I don’t have any special feelings to them.

Few days later, the guy which our dare devil leader had a crush on texted me. Let’s give him a code name, let’s call him Hayden. At first it was just a quote and I replied with a quote too. Then his next text was asking me how am I doing and apologizing if he kissed me too much. Yes, he’s the one who gave me several kisses that night. Then our texts lead to another til we scheduled our date. I know I should say no, in the first place, Hayden is not my type. He’s tall, white, carrying extra weight on his body, had small oriental eyes. Next, he has a girlfriend but she’s away, she’s at their province I think. They had a long distance relationship. I went out with him because I thought it was just a friendly date, and I’m bored, I’ve been out from the playing field for eight months.

Man, I was wrong. Our date turned out to be a romantic one and because of that we became very close and our friends saw our closeness. Also I feel comfortable with Hayden, being in his arms feels like I’m safe and while he’s holding my hand it’s telling me that he cares. All of a sudden I’m falling for him but I should not especially that he’ll be back in his province for a vacation, back to his girlfriend. That time, I can still control my feelings for him, because he’s faraway and I know where I stand. I’m planning to get rid of him in my life when he comes back, I would tell him that we better stop what we are doing. But things didn’t work out that right. Since the class was over, we started looking for a job and often times we always been together. I’m not that into him before he came back, but now my feelings are coming back and I think I’m falling harder even though I know it’s wrong. Most of my friends told me that I should stay away from him that it’s not good what we are doing. But I did not listen. I found out that he and his girlfriend are not in good times. Until they broke up during his birthday, I’m not amazed to that news that because of me a couple broke up. Somehow, I fell hard for him after that incident. But he told me not to jump in a new relationship yet, I know he’s right because I don’t like to be his rebound. I’m willing to wait for him. There are times that he’s saying that he loves me but I’m already happy with that and I already said to him that I love him too. I did everything I could just to please him that time, just an insight of what he will have when I became his girlfriend. I even risk my bonding with my dad, because my dad is very strict with me, being the youngest member of our family and the only child he has in this house makes him protective with me. I don’t care that time if I will ever experience the princess treatment I had with my dad. In short, I’m willing to give up my conveniences I had just for Hayden. I go under stress discussing everything with my dad that I had almost cried every night to sleep. I badly want to spend my time with Hayden as much as possible to be able to make our relationship work especially now that he has job.

My friend and I found a solution to my problem that I should join an organization, in which there will come a time that I would be able to talk to my dad about my problems with him that he’ll be able to understand my feelings of being treated as a 12 year old girl not as 22 year old. I’ve gone to a different retreat; it’s not the usual retreat which is peaceful and calm. I endure the fear, embarrassment, pain and difficulties that cause me on those three days. I accomplished my goal to tell everything to my dad, but it wasn’t totally solved, it’s still hard for him to let go. But I pushed through that stressed him so much.

Hayden told me on the phone that on the next weekend after my retreat we’ll gonna claimed our graduation pictures and after that he wants to tell me something serious. I wonder about it but base on his voice and laughter, I thought that was positive on what he’ll go to tell. He even asked if I am excited, well just base on that why I will be excited on something bad. Saturday came, Hayden looked nervous and hesitant. After we claimed our photos we hang-out at ground floor and sat near the trees. He can’t speak right all he could do was to mumble words, smile and chuckled. When he gave me a clue, I asked him if he already had a girlfriend, he told me that he and his ex-girlfriend get back together last Sunday when I was in retreat. I decided to stop and finish everything. At first I had no reaction that I quickly accepted it that I didn’t asked him why he chooses to be with his girlfriend even though it’s hard for them to meet every weekend. When I leaved and settled for my friend’s house because it’s her birthday. That’s when I absorbed everything, that’s when I felt all the hurt that it should been there. I got so sad that I won’t be with Hayden anymore, that I won’t feel his hand on mine and his arms around me. Then that was the time I asked the question “What’s with her girlfriend that I don’t have?”

Everything happened to me hurts so bad. I’m so sad that I want to die that night luckily I didn’t went home, because if I find myself alone I will drank poison that time. I did everything and gave everything to Hayden but he never appreciated them that retreat was really for him that if my dad allows me to stay out most of the time I can spend most of my time with him. I got so desperate sometimes, that I think Hayden will come to me telling me that he made a mistake that he realized I’m the one he really loves and not his girlfriend, that it’s really over between him and that girl and he’s begging me to come back. I know it’s impossible to hope like that, but now half of me am dying that I can’t have Hayden. He has a big impact on me even though we had a very little time together. I hate to admit this but I still love him until now.

“See if I care,” I told him, feeling an emptiness inside which I told myself was missing dinner. I turned toward the kitchen.

“But I care,” a voice said from behind me. Before I could move a hand was clamped over my mouth. Another grabbed my arm and twisted it behind me.

“So you figured it out, did you?,” the voice continued. “I thought you’d blame that fancy boyfriend of yours but when you called, I knew you hadn’t. Too bad, baby. We could’ve been good together.”

“Mac? I mumbled through his fingers squeezing my lips. “Your own aunt?”

“My own very rich aunt. Owns a string of buildings like this but she just kept living on and on with those damn canaries and she treated me like an errand boy. That Jerry you’re so fond of just happened by at the right time. Once I get the guy across the hall to I.D. him, I’m home free.”

I tried to break free. Mac’s fingers dug into my lips. I tasted blood. His other hand twisted my arm till I thought I could hear the bones crack.

I bit down as hard as I could on the hand around my mouth. He jerked away and I screamed.

“Now you’ll get it like all the others, bitch!” Mac shouted.

Still holding my arm, he reared back to belt me. At that moment something large, furry and furious with all the commotion and noise, leaped onto his head like one of those alien creatures that eat your brain.

It was Mac’s turn to scream and he did while lethal paws scratched at his eyeballs, dug into his scalp and took great strips of skin off his back.

I rushed to the door and yanked it open, gasping. Mr. Jaspers was standing in the hall. “Wild party, huh? You got a cat in there?”

“What I’ve got is Mrs. Patrickson’s killer. Call the police.”

Leaving his door open, Mr. Jaspers went back towards the phone. I stood in the hall, listening to the screaming. Poor Fitzhugh, I thought. I hoped he didn’t get any nasty disease from biting Mac.

Mac was staggering around, cursing and tripping over furniture, blood running down his face, when the police arrived with their sirens blaring. All the tenants on my floor crowded into the hall to watch Mac led out in handcuffs. Fitzhugh washed his face and looked smug. It was the first time I felt favorably towards a cat.

Next day I went to the hospital. Jerry was sitting up in bed, one leg in a cast. “Donna,” he said huskily, taking my hand in both of his. “I was afraid I’d lost you.”

“Whatever gave you that idea?” He looked pale but great, the dark hair mussed, five o’clock shadow on the strong, firm jaw. I told him about Mac. “The police think he’s the one who’s been attacking all those women, using his role as a property manager.” I waited for him to ask about his cat.

“Oh my love. Did he hurt you? Are you all right?” He was stroking my hair and suddenly I was sobbing in his arms.

“I’m an idiot,” he was saying. “I hope you aren’t going to let a little thing like a cat come between us.” He kissed my neck, my cheek, my lips. “I could give him to my mother.”

“Oh, no. We’ve reached an understanding. I think I could learn to like him,” I murmured, “given the right teacher.” I would never tell him how close we had come to losing each other, due to my overactive imagination.

Cupid may have been a day late this year, but the way I see it, Jerry and I still have forever.

“See if I care,” I told him, feeling an emptiness inside which I told myself was missing dinner. I turned toward the kitchen.

“But I care,” a voice said from behind me. Before I could move a hand was clamped over my mouth. Another grabbed my arm and twisted it behind me.

“So you figured it out, did you?,” the voice continued. “I thought you’d blame that fancy boyfriend of yours but when you called, I knew you hadn’t. Too bad, baby. We could’ve been good together.”

“Mac? I mumbled through his fingers squeezing my lips. “Your own aunt?”

“My own very rich aunt. Owns a string of buildings like this but she just kept living on and on with those damn canaries and she treated me like an errand boy. That Jerry you’re so fond of just happened by at the right time. Once I get the guy across the hall to I.D. him, I’m home free.”

I tried to break free. Mac’s fingers dug into my lips. I tasted blood. His other hand twisted my arm till I thought I could hear the bones crack.

I bit down as hard as I could on the hand around my mouth. He jerked away and I screamed.

“Now you’ll get it like all the others, bitch!” Mac shouted.

Still holding my arm, he reared back to belt me. At that moment something large, furry and furious with all the commotion and noise, leaped onto his head like one of those alien creatures that eat your brain.

It was Mac’s turn to scream and he did while lethal paws scratched at his eyeballs, dug into his scalp and took great strips of skin off his back.

I rushed to the door and yanked it open, gasping. Mr. Jaspers was standing in the hall. “Wild party, huh? You got a cat in there?”

“What I’ve got is Mrs. Patrickson’s killer. Call the police.”

Leaving his door open, Mr. Jaspers went back towards the phone. I stood in the hall, listening to the screaming. Poor Fitzhugh, I thought. I hoped he didn’t get any nasty disease from biting Mac.

Mac was staggering around, cursing and tripping over furniture, blood running down his face, when the police arrived with their sirens blaring. All the tenants on my floor crowded into the hall to watch Mac led out in handcuffs. Fitzhugh washed his face and looked smug. It was the first time I felt favorably towards a cat.

Next day I went to the hospital. Jerry was sitting up in bed, one leg in a cast. “Donna,” he said huskily, taking my hand in both of his. “I was afraid I’d lost you.”

“Whatever gave you that idea?” He looked pale but great, the dark hair mussed, five o’clock shadow on the strong, firm jaw. I told him about Mac. “The police think he’s the one who’s been attacking all those women, using his role as a property manager.” I waited for him to ask about his cat.

“Oh my love. Did he hurt you? Are you all right?” He was stroking my hair and suddenly I was sobbing in his arms.

“I’m an idiot,” he was saying. “I hope you aren’t going to let a little thing like a cat come between us.” He kissed my neck, my cheek, my lips. “I could give him to my mother.”

“Oh, no. We’ve reached an understanding. I think I could learn to like him,” I murmured, “given the right teacher.” I would never tell him how close we had come to losing each other, due to my overactive imagination.

Cupid may have been a day late this year, but the way I see it, Jerry and I still have forever.

The doorbell rang. Oh, no. Jerry was here before I’d decided what to do. How could I go out with him with these suspicions crowding into my mind? And if he suspected I knew, what then? I’d been thinking I’d just call the whole thing off, but here he was.

I opened the door. “Donna, you look great, as always.”

“Just my office clothes. I haven’t had a chance to change yet.”

“Come just as you are. You always look wonderful to me.” Jerry looked deep into my eyes. I stepped back and reached for my coat. Well, I had to eat. Lou Ann and Laurence were coming along, anyway. They’d wonder where we were if we didn’t show up. I could decide what to do at dinner. Maybe I could slip out and call the police before we left.

There was valet parking at the fine Italian restaurant. Jerry handed over the keys to the Caddy calmly. I was sure he had the cat along. I refused to look in the back, just in case.

Inside, Lou Ann and Laurence waved to us from a table. “Won’t you join us?” Laurence asked, just as though I hadn’t set the whole thing up.

“Delighted.” Jerry gave me a bemused look. “Shall we?”

“Fine,” I said, feeling miffed that he didn’t want me all to himself. What was the matter with me? Did I want to be alone with what was probably a psychotic killer on Valentine’s Day? While not terminally brain-dead, I still felt a twinge of regret as he pulled out the heavy dark chair with the velvet seat for me and his long, slender fingers ruffled a tendril of hair on my neck.

Stringed instruments were playing love songs through the ages. Candles were flickering, voices were soft and intimate. It could have been a wonderful evening with the right man. Maybe Mac next year, if I survived the evening. But something wistful in me still cried, ‘Jerry, Jerry, Jerry’.

I forced myself to study the wine list. Jerry was murmuring something in French to the maitre ‘d, looking suave, competent and throughly adorable. I kicked Lou Ann under the table, to stop her from drooling. When I straightened up, Jerry seemed to have gone suddenly berserk. He leaped to his feet, overturning the thick crystal goblets of water onto the snowy white linen cloth.

“That’s my car!” he yelled.

Under the bright lights that lit the entryway, his Caddy was coming slowly around the circular drive, blocked in for a moment by a driver who was backing up. I’d heard that sometimes parking attendants take these little joy rides when they think the patron’s safely inside for an hour or so.

Jerry was already on his feet and running for the door with a sea of fascinated diners staring after him. “Hey!” I could hear him bellow as he swung the door open.

Several things happened at once. The driver in the front seat saw him through the rear view window, attempted to reverse, floored it and drove into Jerry and the side of the building with a resounding crash, just as Jerry was crossing behind the car. Then he leaped from the driver’s side and ran away into the darkness.

“Somebody call an ambulance!” I heard the maitre d’ shout as I hurried towards Jerry. Laurence beat me to the scene.

“Just lie still,” I heard him saying. He took off his jacket and threw it over Jerry while he tried to keep him quiet. “There’s an ambulance coming.”

“Fitzhugh,” Jerry said weakly.

“I’m sure he’s all right. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of him,” I promised like a fool.

Although the car looked like a write-off, the cat carrier had unfortunately survived intact. It lay upside down in the front seat with a very angry occupant.

The ambulance came screaming up. I watched as they loaded his now unconscious body onto the stretcher. What a Valentine’s Day. First Mrs. Patrickson. Now Jerry. More like a Valentine Massacre.

“I’ll just go along home, if you don’t mind, Lou Ann,” I said. “Thanks for all you’ve done.”

“Call me,” she said, pressing my hand. She looked genuinely sorry for me. I got into the Corvette with Fitzhugh in the cat carrier. As I drove out I saw them going back to the restaurant, peppered with questions from fascinated diners who were standing around watching.

Oh, Jerry, who are you? I thought and felt weepy for no reason. After all, I reminded myself, he probably tried to kill me, psychopath that he was, and got Mrs. Patrickson instead.

As I stepped off the elevator, the cat carrier bumped against my legs. The police tape and notice on Mrs. Patrickson’s door seemed like a warning. Be careful. Watch out.

I went bravely into my apartment, set the carrier down and opened its door. Fitzhugh stayed where he was, glaring.

Next morning they came to change the locks. It was Valentine’s Day. Shop windows were full of cupids and chocolates. Love was in the air but the man I had chosen had a cat that came first in his heart. We would never make it together. Dinner tonight would be our last date, I promised myself. Why go on making us both miserable?

At noon a dozen red roses came to the office. The card inside said, “Thanks for giving us another chance.” It was signed by Jerry but there was a pawprint underneath.

I fussed around till five, then cleared my desk and called Lou Ann. “Could you doubledate at such short notice? “

“On such a romantic evening? Of course. Laurence probably doesn’t even know what day it is. And who knows? Maybe Jerry will fall for me. You saw ‘When Harry Met Sally’, didn’t you?”

“Jerry and I are probably finished,” I said, “but until I let you know, hands off.”

“Bringing another couple along isn’t going to help, you know,” Lou Ann said.

“It’ll keep us from having an unpleasant memory on Valentine’s Day. Which we will, if you don’t come.”

“We’ll be there, don’t worry.”

I pulled my little blue corvette out into rush hour traffic and turned the radio on. “An elderly woman was attacked and killed today in her apartment at Main and Charles…”

My apartment was at Main and Charles. I braked for a yellow light and turned the sound up. “Police believe Mrs. Gilroy Patrickson, 75, was another victim in a series of assaults that have terrorized this South side community…”

How awful for Mac, I thought, as tears ran down my face. How awful for us all.

The carpet outside my door looked as though many pairs of dirty boots had been trampling it. There was yellow police tape criss-crossed outside Mrs. Patrickson’s door, with an official notice forbidding entry. I felt tears in my eyes as I looked at it. The elevator opened behind me. I turned and Mac stepped off.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” I opened my arms and Mac fell into them. I patted him awkwardly on the shoulder. “Did they catch the man who did it?”

He shook his head and stepped back. “I’d just left. He must’ve been watching for me to go. If only I’d stayed a little longer…”

“Don’t think about it. Will you need any help with the arrangements?”

“No. My mom’s taking care of the… funeral and all that. But thanks for offering. I just came from police headquarters. I thought maybe if I came back I’d see something they’d overlooked but…”

“I’d just leave it to the police. They’ll will find him, sooner or later.”

“I guess you’re right. She was very fond of you, you know.”

I nodded. It was hard to talk. Mac punched the ground floor button and held my hand till the elevator came.

My apartment seemed very vulnerable when I opened the door. I stood in the doorway, looking around. Whoever had killed Mrs. Patrickson could crawl in any of the windows. We were only on the third floor. Terrorized. The radio had it right.

“Bad news, Donna,” Mr. Jaspers, the retired plumber across the hall, opened his door. “Fine lady.”

“Yes, she was. “

“Some guy came around looking for you, right before.”

“This morning?”

“Said so, didn’t I? Had your keys.” He started to close his door.

“Wait! Mr. Jaspers.” He eyed me suspiciously.

“What?”

“Tell me what he looked like. Please?”

“Tall. Dark hair. Tweed coat.” His door closed firmly.

Cat hairs, I added, mentally. Keys? Mrs. Patrickson’s spare key had been on that ring. What if–? No. It couldn’t have been Jerry. Besides he wouldn’t know what key opened what. He could have tried them, a small voice in my head said. He might’ve tried your door and then hers and she wouldn’t've thought anything, supposing it was just Mac coming back, till it was too late…

I crossed the hall and pounded on Jasper’s door.

“Go away.” He was looking through the peep hole.

“Mr. Jaspers. Did you tell the police?”

“None of my business.”

Oh great. So it was up to me to let them know that possibly I was dating Mrs. Patrickson’s killer and then they’d want to wire me up for our date to get some incriminating evidence on Jerry. And then they’d arrest him but his lawyer would get him off and he’d come looking for me…

But I didn’t call the police either. It couldn’t have been Jerry. He was too nice, too honest. But he’d lied about not having the keys, a little voice said. He probably wouldn’t have mentioned them at all if Mr. Jaspers hadn’t surprised him holding them, in the act of breaking in. What other explanation could he have given?

Perhaps he was planning to let himself in and wait for me, like he had for all those other women. When he found my locks were changed, he settled for my neighbour…

But how could he know Mr. Jaspers wouldn’t tell the police? That was easy. Anyone talking to the old curmudgeon for two minutes would know he didn’t give up anything voluntarily. It was only by chance he’d told me.

I’d talk it over with Mac. Maybe he could decide if I was just imagining things. I went downstairs and got his number from Masterson. “Anything I can take care of, Donna?” the old fellow said. “No need to bother the boss with every little thing.”

“This is personal, thanks.” I went home and punched in his number.

“Mac Patrickson.”

“Mac, I–” There was a little beep as his answering machine came on. “Call me,” I said and gave my number.

“You’re home early.” Mac was just getting into the elevator when I stepped out.

“Not soon enough.” I started to brush past him.

“I was thinking, well, maybe this isn’t a good time,” Mac hesitated. “I was just going down to the diner on the corner for a burger. But I suppose you’ve eaten?”

“I’d love to,” I made a quick decision and it wasn’t till we were sitting in a back booth over coffee that I realized how I must look with my pantyhose flapping around my ankles. Mac hadn’t even snickered.

He was good company. Mac worked as a property manager, he said. Our building was on his list. I had to admit it was well-kept up. He didn’t have any pets, a real plus and he did have a lot of funny stories about tenants who had them, that kept me laughing.

“This large woman sat on her Chihuahua …” he began and I watched the corners of his eyes crinkle like Mrs. Patrickson’s did. He was wearing a yellow sweater over a white shirt, very collegiate. Our waitress came and he joked with her and left a big tip.

I’d almost forgotten about the horrible start to the evening when Mac walked me back to the lobby. “I’ll be fine,” I told him when it looked as though he was going to come on up.

“You sure? See you again soon, then. It’s been… terrific.”

When I reached my apartment there were no keys in my purse. I thought back to the bag falling open in Jerry’s apartment. Oh well. I ran down the stairs to Mr. Masterson, the superintendent. Mac was still there, talking.

“I can let you in. Just take a minute.” Mac took a ring of master keys from a hook near the door.

“No, its fine. Mr. Masterson has had to do this lots of times”.

“I wouldn’t take losing your keys lightly, Donna,” Mac frowned. “With all these attacks on women in this area, lately. I think we’d better have your locks changed. In the meantime, you can borrow the master.”

Jerry called at the end of the week to say how much he missed me. “It was my fault,” he said. “I should have prepared you for meeting him. Fitzhugh was mistreated as a kitten so it’s hard for him to trust.”

“Me too,” I said.

“I thought he’d be familiar with you by now. I’ve taken him on all our dates.”

“What?? You and me and Fitzhugh?”

“He’s been in the backseat. In his cat carrier,” he said hastily. “It gets lonely in the apartment and I don’t like to leave him overnight. I take him with me everywhere. So I thought he’d sort of know you already. I’m sorry. Please let me pay for having your shoes repaired.”

“No need,” I lied, looking at the toe of one pump protruding from the trash I’d been about to take to the incinerator when he called.

“Show you forgive me and let me take you to dinner tomorrow. It’s Valentine’s Day, after all,” he said with a plea in his voice. He named a restaurant I’d been dying to try but not alone. “At seven?”

“All right,” I said, hating myself for being weak. There was something about the man. “By the way, Jerry, did you find a set of keys after I left?”

“No,” he said. He sounded truthful. “Were they important?”

“Nothing special. See you tomorrow.”

“Don’t look so worried. He’ll love you,” Jerry said as he opened the door to his late model Caddy.

‘He’? Guess it wouldn’t be his mother I’d be meeting tonight. My heart sank. Jerry was going to tell me he was gay and he’d tried one last time to see if he could be straight and I was it and he couldn’t, so now we’d have drinks with his lover and he’d say we could still be friends…

I didn’t say much on the drive over. We pulled into the underground parking for his building and took the elevator to the tenth floor.

Jerry turned his key in the lock of 1003. I had just decided on a gracious approach to whoever he introduced as his lover.

“This is Fitzhugh,” Jerry said, throwing the door open with one hand as though there would be trumpets blowing somewhere and Clinton or maybe even Newt Gingrich would come out.

I stepped forward, set my purse down on a table beside the door and held out my hand. But there was no one in the room. It was a pleasant enough apartment; a long bank of windows along one wall, some plants and comfortable furniture in greens and browns.

So I’d guessed wrong again. Jerry didn’t want me to meet his mother and he wasn’t gay; he was crazy. Fitzhugh was a hallucination, like that rabbit, Harvey, in that old Jimmy Stewart movie.

Jerry had lured me up here to meet his imaginary friend who would find fault with me and they would find my lifeless body several days later in the park behind some bushes…

At least Mac and his aunt had gotten a look at him, I told myself, sidling back towards the door. He won’t get away with it. Jerry didn’t seem the killer type but then that’s what all the girlfriends and neighbours say on the tabloid shows after some maniac’s been arrested. Even serial killers have a social life…

“This is my cat, Fitzhugh,” Jerry was repeating politely.

I looked down. A feline monstrosity stared up at me. It was a lustrous black with glittery gold eyes, big enough to operate a can opener all by itself.

“I can tell he likes you,” Jerry said. “He’s fussy about his friends.”

Yeah, sure, I thought. I have a theory about people who are too close to their cats. Not a normal relationship.

“See how good we look together?” He indicated the mirror in front of us. There we were, Jerry’s dark good looks, my slim blonde self and what looked like a furry demon glowering on the floor between us. That old saying about three’s a crowd sure applied here.

Jerry moved closer and drew me into his arms. I lifted my lips to be kissed, closing my eyes and feeling the rough tweed of his jacket against my cheek. ‘Oh Jerry,’ I thought, ‘why couldn’t it have been your mother?’

Something raked my ankles as I kissed him back. I looked down. My pantyhose fell in shreds over my pumps. Fitzhugh was just taking a large bite out of my left heel. Then he stalked away to whatever dark places he inhabited in that apartment.

“Donna?” Jerry moved and knocked my purse to the floor. “Sorry.” He picked it up and jammed the contents back any old way. “Am I jumping the gun here? I mean, I don’t want you to think I’m a date rapist or something. I haven’t brought a woman up here in a long time.”

And he wouldn’t again, if Fitzhugh has anything to say about it, I thought. I was still staring at the gouge in my heel. The cat had scratched the suede off the right pump. I’d have to toss the shoes.

Jerry looked down. “Ohmigod, did Fitzhugh do that?”

“Oh, no. I came over here with my pantyhose down around my ankles, cat scratches and gouges in my shoes.”

“You don’t need to be sarcastic. I’m sure it was an accident. Fitzhugh probably smelled another cat on you.”

“I haven’t been around any cats. Ever.”

“Maybe that next door neighbour, Mrs. Patrickson, has cats. She seems like a cat person.”

“Canaries. She hates cats.”

“Perhaps you hate Fitzhugh too?”

“Darn right I do,” I said. I grabbed my purse and stomped out feeling the draft around my ankles. Cat: 1, Girlfriend: 0.

Valentine’s Day. Why doesn’t it live up to our expectations?

Remember when we were kids with a bagful of those awful- tasting little hearts? The ones with the words on them like ‘True Love,’ or ‘You’re Cute,’ stuff like that? And your girlfriends would all dare you to give one to Danny or Johnny or whoever it was you were all weak-kneed over that year?

And you knew when you grew up that love would find you and it would be wonderful and change your life.

And then it doesn’t happen. Even when you wait and wait and everything seems right.

Take Jerry Martin. This year’s flavor? I don’t know. Six months ago when those deep blue eyes looked over at me across a crowded seminar, music started playing.

“You have a kind face,” he said when he came over at coffee break.

And you’re a hunk, I thought. “Looking for kindness?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Well, I missed the morning session and I was looking for someone to fill me in. The rest of this afternoon is pretty familiar stuff.”

“I did it last year.”

“Really?” A wave of thick dark hair fell over his forehead and he brushed it away with a gesture that made my heart jump. “Say, there’s a quiet place around the corner where we could talk.”

“Lead the way.” I grabbed my little attache case and pointed my size fives in his direction.

I think he was after more than kindness. We talked till dinner and then ordered wine with the sole and salad. After that, it was dinner and drinks whenever we happened to be in town at the same time.

Turned out his office is fairly near mine in the financial district. He’s an auditor for a chain of retail stores. I’m a sales rep for a publishing company.

It was nice having someone who looked like that to dream about, someone gentle but not a wimp. There was something about Jerry that made you want to listen to him. At least I did.

Lately the single state hasn’t seemed all that terrific. Chalk it up to a schedule that doesn’t give me much social life. And to the fear that has been stalking my apartment complex. Someone has been doing break and enters but it isn’t just property he’s after. Women have been attacked. He was waiting when they came home from work. Times like this the coupled condition has a certain attraction. Even without the romance.

And I’ve got to admit, Jerry was romantic. Little by little he became the only one I was seeing. Then one day he called. I always got a little thrill when I heard his voice on the phone. “I think it’s time you met the most important person in my life,” he says.

Oh, oh. I phoned, Lou Ann, my best friend. “He wants me to meet his mother.”

“His mother? You two that far already? I think he’s a real dreamy guy and all that. In fact, if I wasn’t all involved with Laurence, and of course, if Jerry wasn’t yours, I could really go for him. Nice looking, on his way up, non-smoker. A girl could do worse.”

“Jerry’s great. But maybe he’s jumping the gun. I don’t know if I’m ready for anything serious…”

“Why don’t you give me his number? Laurence will understand.”

“Now hold on, Lou Ann. Do I horn in on your relationships?”

“What relationships? Laurence? You can have him.”

“I’m happy with Jerry, thanks. And I’ve got to get ready.”

“Call me with details.”

I hung up, wondering. You know all those stories people tell about their best friend and their boyfriend? Oh, nuts. I could trust Lou Ann, couldn’t I?

I got out the dress I use for weddings and funerals. Sort of a purply-mauve with a little scarf. The finishing touch is the expensive matching pumps I bought on a quickie tour of Italy.

“Hi. You look terrific,” Jerry said, when he rang the doorbell at eight.

“Don’t you look swell, Donna,” Mrs. Patrickson next door was just limping in from her senior’s foot clinic on the arm of her nephew, Mac.

“This is Jerry Martin,” I said.

Mac gave me a friendly smile. He was tall, blonde and good-looking. Mrs. Patrickson often said she hoped Mac and I would become romantically involved but our schedules never seemed to work out. Now, seeing me with Jerry, Mac would probably give up trying.

“Have a nice time, you two,” Mrs. Patrickson said.

“Glad to meet you both,” Jerry said, shaking hands. He seemed oblivious to Mac’s attractions. Was I with the wrong guy?

I didn’t believe in finding love online. I thought it was full of perverts, rapists, etc. One day, I was in a chat room, just bored out of my mind, because I was visiting my brother in Seattle and he was currently at work. So, I just basically put “Anyone wanna chat?” Little did I know that the man of my dreams would IM me.

I was in a relationship at the time. It wasn’t a very good one, though. My ex-boyfriend, Mike, whom I was dating then, was constantly getting jealous of my guy friends and he was very insecure about my love for him. I have to be honest, I did love him. I still do, kinda. But he brought the relationship to an end, not me. He pushed me directly into Chris, my new boyfriend and my best friend’s arms.

We just started talking about stupid stuff. And I asked if I could put him on my buddylist. He said yes and placed me on his. After talking online to each other every day for about a week or so, he asked me if we could talk on the phone. I, of course, was scared. The main reason being that I really didn’t know him and he could have been a pervert or someone just looking for a good time.

And he also lived in Florida, which was a slight problem. I had a couple phone cards to use so I wouldn’t rack up my brother’s phone bill. When I dialed all the numbers, I was extremely nervous. Afraid of what he would sound like. To be truthful, I thought he might have been some 50 year old, over weight, balding man who just wanted a younger girl to talk to. We talked for five hours that night, and I’m very shy when it comes to talking on the phone for the first time or meeting a person for the first time. So, it was just basically him making me laugh.

He also had his eyes set on someone. But, later on, she had decided to go with someone else and she told him that she didn’t feel the same way he did. I was having problems with Mike, and Chris helped me through it, reassuring me everything would be alright. Later on, I found out that he was jealous of Mike, because one night, I IMed Chris with Mike’s screen name.

And now, we have been talking for about four months or so online and on the phone. I am planning to visit him in the near future and, eventually, move to Florida to live with him. And marriage is going to be a part of the picture. Not right away, but in time. I love him with my heart and soul. I would do anything for him. And I know he feels the same. Now, some may call us crazy and say that love can’t happen over long distances. But I truly think that we’re soul mates in the making.

To Reader: Sorry that this story a bit long, hope you all can bear with me for a short while, total “36 Parts”, I’ll publish them slowly, hope you all like it.

********** PART 1 **********
June 17, 1999
My name is Mina Nam. I’m 19, still very yout I am dying. Not right now but my l is slowly fading away as I’m writing my story. At this moment I’m sitting at ‘our’ spot. Mine and Eun Ji Won, the love of my life.
The sun is slowly beginning to set over the lake. I took a glance at my reflection in the water. My outside looks have changed drastically within the past few months, but the water reflected the true me. InsideI’m still the same person.
I have done and given so much for love but never once, have I received it back from Ji Won. There are times that I wanted to tell him everything that I’ve done for him and make him love me back. But I can’t. love is not selfish.
So I did what felt right. I keep giving Ji Won my love and I never asked for his love in return. Even though I’ll leave this world pretty soon, my love for him will still remain. My story begins when I first met Ji Won six years ago on this one fateful day. It all started out….

********** PART 2 **********
October 31, 1993
“You better come back here you good for nothing brat!”
I covered my ears with my palms. That was my stepmother calling me. Her voice sounds murderous and I didn’t want to face her today. She had slapped and hit me too much already. I’m afraid I can’t take it anymore so I hid in my closet. I peeked through the crack in my closet and saw my stepmom with a really pissed off look on her face. She was holding that stick that I’m always afraid of. I winced thinking about how much it would hurt if she hits me with it again.

I’m just thirteen and whoever said 13 was an unlucky number, they were right. My mom had died when I was just turning ten. Before she died she told me that I was the most beautiful girl in the world and how proud she was to be my mother. She said even though she’ll be gone, her love is with me always.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. ‘If you love me mommy, how can you be so selfish to leave me?’ So now when I had turn 13 my dad had married Mok Young A, who is my stepmom today. She was a cold-hearted woman who tortured me all day. Any self-esteem I had for myself was shattered and I was living a nightmare.

My closet door suddenly opened. “There you are you wicked girl!” My stepmom started cussing at me as she pulled me out and threw me onto the floor. I began to tremble because I knew what was going to happen next.
*Whack whack whack.*
I cried out in pain but I knew that no one is going to hear my cries. I desperately began to gasp for air. My heart was aching again. I couldn’t breathe.

“Not again! Don’t you see how much you’re costing your father and me with your heart problems? If it wasn’t for all these medical bills we wouldn’t be so poor now!”
I had this heart condition where air would suddenly shut off and I couldn’t breathe. The doctors are tryingto save me by giving me a respirator and pills, but they’re not sure how much longer I’ll be able to live. My dad (who was a pathetic excuse for a man) came in.

He looked down at me with sorrowful eyes. He held my stepmom’s arm lightly and said, “I think she had enough. You don’t want her to have another attack. Calm down and let’s have dinner.”
“That’s why I’m hitting her!” she yelled. “She got detention and stayed after school for an hour. She was supposed to be home to go buy food for dinner and make it. Your daughter is so evil. She wants me to starve or something!”
“I didn’t get detention. The teacher wanted to talk to me about-“

But I was cut off by the whack of my stepmom’s stick. I cried silently in pain and turned away. I didn’t want to look at her. My dad said, “Well, dinner’s just going to be a little late today. Mina, say sorry to your mom.”
Despite the pain, I managed to say, “Sorry mom. Please forgive me.”

My dad handed me some money. “Here. Go buy food to make mee-yuk-gook tonight.” My stepmom’s temper simmered down a little as my dad lead her out of my room.

I picked up the money and headed for the store. Mr. Choi, the owner of Choi Food Market, shook his head as I walked in. He knew what kind of hell I was going through. I finished my shopping and checked out.

“That’ll be $3.49.”

“What?” I asked. “Umm…Mr. Choi. That’s impossible. With all this stuff it should be around $15.”
“I know Mina.” Mr. Choi gave me a sad smile. “The exact price is $14.32. Why don’t you keep the change for yourself?”
I opened my mouth in shock. “Mr. Choi…I..I can’t do that,” I said as I handed him 20.
He only took five. “No. Keep it. I know that stepmom of yours don’t give you any money.”
I looked up at Mr. Choi with tears in my eyes. Here he was, just a friend reaching out to me. I said thanks and headed for home.

********** PART 3 **********
I decided to take a shortcut home but as I passed the alley, a hand pulled me in. I was knocked to the ground and a shadow hovered over me. I began to scream but the same hand covered my mouth.
“Shut up or I’ll kill you!”

I shut my mouth instantly. I didn’t want to die yet. In the moon’s reflection I got a good look of my attacker. It was a boy who looked a little bit older than me. His face and clothes were dirty but he had really good features so I could tell he was extremely good-looking. But this was not a time to think about such things.

He held a table knife at my throat and said, “Give me all your money or I’ll kill you.” I panicked but I knew what to do. I used the move I wanted to use on my stepmom every time she pinned me down and hit me. I kicked him hard right into his family jewels. He gasped and fell to the floor, dropping the knife. I picked up my groceries and ran.

I guess you can call me the dumbest person alive. I was afraid I had kicked the boy too hard and permanently damaged him. Besides, since my life is hell already, I didn’t want him to go through it too. So I turned back.
When I came back to the alley, the boy was still lying on the floor. He was moaning softly. I lifted him up gently. “Are you okay?” I asked. He shook his head no. “I’m sorry,” I said to him. I reached into my pocket and pulled the money Mr. Choi gave me. “If you need money, then here. All I have is ten dollars.”

I placed the money in his hand and walked away. He looked at me with this weird expression that I couldn’t read. I picked up my groceries and this time I left without turning back. I could tell the boy was watching me as I was walking away…

********** PART 4 **********

Ji Won stared at the girl who had just walked away. ‘She must be the nicest or dumbest person in this world,’ he thought. He began to stand up but had to use the wall for balance. That girl had kicked him a little too hard. Ji Won had just run away from home again. He had ran away so many times that the alley was his second home. When he ran away he always stole his parents’ money.

They were the richest people in all of Hawaii but they were also the most messed up family. His dad would have a lot of women with him and would betray a friend if it would bring him money. His mom, on the other hand, was an exact duplicate of his dad. She always had these young men around her and spend money like crazy. His parents were divorced and lived on opposite ends of Hawaii. ‘*bleep* and bastard,’ thought Ji Won.

When he ran away this time, he didn’t have the chance to steal any money from his dad. So he had no choice but to rob somebody. When he saw the young girl walking out of the store, she seemed to be the perfect target. But things didn’t turn out as planned.

Ji Won kept wondering why the girl gave him the money even though he could have killed her. Ji Won knew he couldn’t take the money because she was the first person in his messed up life that was nice to him because she wanted to be, not because she wanted something from him. He wanted to give the money back. When he gained some of his strength back, he began to chase her…

********** PART 5 **********

When I came home, I was greeted by the usual words. ‘Ugly wretch, wicked girl, freeloader,etc.’ but luckily I made it through dinner fine. When dinner ended,my parents went to sleep leaving me with the dishes. I cleaned the table and washed the dishes. I also took out the trash and then suddenly I felt someone grab me from behind.

My attacker turned me around to face him. It was the same boy I met in the alley. I began to panic. “I gave you all my money already! What more do you want from me?” He raised a finger to his lips and tried to shush me. I felt one of my attacks coming on. I started to hyperventilate and couldn’t breathe. I was beginning to black out.

Ji Won looked at the girl who looked like she was going to die. “Oh my God! Are you okay?” This time it was the girl’s turn to shake her head no. Then she collapsed in his arms. Ji Won didn’t know what to do but he had to save her life. He began to give her mouth to mouth. “Come on,” he whispered to her. “Breathe. Don’t die on me.” After a while she began coughing and opened her eyes.

I opened my eyes and saw a blurry object heading towards me. Then I felt something soft pressing against my lips and I felt a gust of air. Then I realized the boy was giving me air. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I blushed and gently pushed him away. “Thank you for saving me. I’m okay now.”

The boy turned slightly red. “Uhh…you’re welcome. You kinda scared me there.”
“Sorry about that. Well, what is it that you want from me?”

“Here.” He handed me back the same ten dollars I had given him. I looked up at him. “No, it’s okay. Keep it. I think you need it or you wouldn’t have tried to rob me.” He shook his head. “No. I just wanted to borrow it only. I don’t take charity. Well, goodbye.”

Just as he walked away, I heard his stomach grumble. I bit my tongue so I wouldn’t laugh. Since he didn’t take charity, I said, “Um, hey. I just made some food and I don’t know if it’s good or not. I need a guinea pig because I don’t want to serve it to my parents if it isn’t and besides, you did save my life. Ji Won looked at her. ‘Why is she being so nice to me?’ he thought. He knew she was just saying that because she heard him say he doesn’t want charity. Ji Won’s stomach was growling like crazy.

He haven’t ate for 2 days already and the mention of food was killing him. “Uh, okay. I guess I’ll be your guinea pig since I have nothing to do.” He studied her face as she smiled at him. ‘She’s pretty,’ he thought as he smiled back.

********** PART 6 **********

I let the boy wait outside as I got some of the leftover mee-yuk-gook for him. He finished it in less than a minute. Then he leaned back and sighed. Out of nowhere, he let out a burp. I had to giggle. He looked at me and smiled. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay.”

I hesitated before I asked him the next question. “Umm…so what’s your name?” He glanced at me and then stared at the ground. I could tell he was debating to tell me his real name or not. I didn’t want him to feel obligated to telling me his name. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Ji Won looked at her surprised. “No! It isn’t that!” he yelled. She stared back at him surprised too. Then he lowered his voice. “I’m sorry. Please don’t misunderstand.” She nodded her head slowly and Ji Woncan tell that she was confused. Ji Won felt that he could trust her and he wanted her to be his friend.
“My name is Eun Ji Won and you are?”

“Nam Mi-Na, but call me Mina. It’seasier to remember.” Then she gave him the sweetest smile. Ji Won felt his heart beat a little faster when she smiled at him. He blushed and looks away. “So uh, how old are you?”
“13,” she replied. “And you Ji Wonee?”

He smiled when she called him that. “I’m 15,” he said turning back to look at her.
“15?” I asked in disbelief.

Ji Won nodded. “Where are your parents oppa? You’re too young to be living in the streets.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I can take care of myself.” I gave him a doubting look because he was trying to pull that tough guy act on me. “It’s okay though,” he told me. “I have a family. It’s just that things are bad at home so I’m just getting away from it for a while.” ‘So he ran away,’ I figured out.

I could tell that Ji Won was a good person. “Do you have a place to stay tonight?” He shook his head. “How about staying in my room then,” I offered.

Ji Won couldn’t believe his ears. He stared at Mina. ‘Did she just offer him a place to stay?’ “Ji Won?” Mina asked as she waved a hand in front of his face. “Are you okay?”

Ji Won shook his head and snapped out of it. She placed her hand on his knee. “Oppa, I asked if you want to stay in my room for tonight?” Ji Won was so touched that he felt his heartache. No one had ever cared about him so much but he didn’t want to feel as though he owed her. “No thanks.”

Mina looked at him with her big sad eyes. “Please oppa? I’m afraid of the dark.” Ji Won smiled. He knew she was lying so he would say yes. For the first time in his life, Ji Won felt warm inside because now he is wanted. He let out a sigh. “Aigo Mina, okay. You talked me into it. But just for tonight though.” She giggled and nodded.
“Okay.”

********** PART 7 **********
Silently, I led Ji Won into my room. My room was small and luckily, it was far away from my parents so they can’t hear much. I let Ji Won have the bed while I take the floor. ‘Damn,’ I thought.

‘Why does the floor have to be so cold and hard?’
Ji Won stared down at Mina who was trying to sleep on the cold stone floor. He picked her up easily and lifted her onto the bed.

“Oppa? What are you doing?” I whispered as my eyes grew wide.

“Do you trust me?” he asked.
I nodded my head slowly.

“Good,” he said. “This bed is small but it’ll fit both of us.”
My eyes grew wider at what Ji Won had just said. But I had just told him that I trust him.

I couldn’t take my words back so I had no choice but to sleep with him. We both got in my bed and slept side-by-side. I was so nervous, I couldn’t sleep. Ji Won, on the other hand, had no problem. He fell asleep instantly.

I turned my head over to look at him. His face was so innocent like an angel when he was sleeping. Who would have thought he was such a devil when he’s awake and moving?

An hour had passed and it was 3’ in the morning. I still couldn’t sleep. Suddenly something weird happen. Ji Won turned his entire body around and did a 360, kicking me. “Ow!” I cried out but covered my mouth so my parents wouldn’t hear me. When he was done, he had this happy look on his face.

At first I thought he was just playing with me but he really did do a 360 in his sleep. Suddenly he reached over and held me tight. My entire body went tense and rigid. I could feel Ji Won’s light breathing on my neck.

I don’t know why but now that Ji Won was this close (practically laying on top of me) made me feel better. It’s probably cause I’ve never been this close to a person in a long time. Soon I began to fall asleep too…

********** PART 8 **********
November 1, 1993
Ji Won opened his eyes and found himself laying partially on Mina’s body. He blushed and slowly moved away from her. Then he just laid near her watching her sleep. Suddenly it caught his eyes. The sleeves and pant legs of her pajamas were lifted up and he got a good look at her arms and legs. Dark purple bruises cover her entire body.

There were several scars on her legs and arms too. Red lines run across her legs and it made Ji Won wince because it looked so painful.

He didn’t want to disturb Mina but he was really curious. She turned over and Ji Won lifted the back of her shirt. It was even worse than her legs. Ji Won opened his mouth lightly in shock and touched her bare back delicately, fearing that he might hurt her. Mina began to stir.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up. I saw Ji Won looking at me with this sad expression on his face. “What’s wrong oppa?” I asked. “Who did this to you?” Then he lifted the sleeve of my shirt. I opened my mouth in shock. I tried to hide it but I couldn’t believe he saw my bruises.

As I tried to answer him, I heard my stepmom’s footsteps heading towards my room. “Oppa!” I yelled, turning back to Ji Won, who was rubbing my bruises. “You have to get out of here! My mom is coming!” Ji Won looked at me surprised but I opened my window for him to climb out. “Climb down this tree. Goodbye Ji Wonee,” I said to him with tears in my eyes.

Ji Won remained silent the whole time as he left her room. But he didn’t leave though. He sat on the branch of her tree and looked through her window. He couldn’t hear what Mina and her mom were talking about but he saw it. He saw Mina’s mom bring out a small wooden stick and whack Mina with it several times. Ji Won couldn’t take it anymore. He busted back into Mina’s room.

********** PART 9 **********
I looked up at my stepmother in pain. “I’m sorry mom. I didn’t know we’re supposed to have guests today.”

She glared at me with cold hatred in her eyes. “Mr. Eun, of the Eun HotelEmpire all over Hawaii, is coming to visit us. Your father might get a promotion if we make a good impression!
You’re supposed to be awake half an hour ago to prepare all of us tea! Now Mr. Eunis down there expecting tea! What am I supposed to do now huh?”

My stepmom began to breathe rapidly as her anger increased. I saw her raise that stick of hers again. I curled myself up hoping the pain would lessen but I know it wouldn’t so I prepared myself for the strike…

Ji Won caught the stick just before it would hit Mina. Mina’s mother stared at Ji Won in surprise. Mina opened her eyes and stared at Ji Won in shock. He looked down at her.

“Mina, are you okay?”

“Ji Won!” I screamed. “What are you doing here?”

Ji Won looked back at me. “I came to save you from this evil *bleep*.”

My stepmom twisted her face in hate. “I knew you were trouble all this time Mina.

How dare you bring this boy home? Wait until I tell your father about this!” Ji Won grabbed my stepmom’s arm to stop her. “You do that and I’ll have you fired!” I stared at Ji Won dumbfounded. ‘What is he talking about?’

“What are you talking about you juvenile delinquent?!” snapped my stepmom.
“I mean,” said Ji Won glaring at her. “ That you’re having tea with my father right now and I’ll get you and your husband fired if you hit Mina one more time.” I look at Ji Won surprised. ‘Ji Won is the heir of the Eun Hotel Empire? His family is the richest in all of Hawaii!’

My stepmom looked at Ji Won doubtfully. “If you’re his son, then how come you’re so filthy?” Ji Won gaveher a smirk. “I know you want proof. How about all of us go down there to talk to my dad?” My stepmom looked at him and thought, ‘This is the only way for real evidence. He might get us a promotion.’ Then she said, “Come on then, boy. Let’s go.”

********** PART 10 **********
All three of us came downstairs together. Ji Won had to help me down because my legs were too weak to support me. Ji Won helped me sit on the couch and he faced the strange man before me.

Mr. Eun glared at Ji Won.

“Hi dad,” said Ji Won.

“Where the hell have you been Ji Won?” shouted Mr. Eun.
My family just watched them yell at each other. Ji Won shrugged his shoulders. “Around.” It made Mr. Eun really mad but he never hits Ji Won. He continued yelling. Ji Won didn’t really listen and after a while he cut his dad off. “Look dad, shut up about it already and we’ll talk about it at home.”

‘Dang,’ I thought. ‘I could never talk to my parents like that.’ Mr. Eun shuts up. “Okay son, we’ll talk about it at home.” Then Ji Won gestured his hand at my entire family. “The Nams were nice enough to let me stay at their house. You owe them dad.” Mr. Eun nodded. “Fine. Joon and Young A, you two just got a raise.”

My stepmom got so excited. “Thank you Mr. Eun!”

“Come on Ji Won,” said Mr. Eun. “Let’s go home. And have that talk.” Ji Won brushed his dad’s hand ff his shoulder. “Later dad. I’ll be home in an hour.” His father glared at him. Ji Won glared back. “I said one hour.” Mr. Eun knew Ji Won was stubborn. So he agreed. “Fine then. One hour.”

After Mr. Eun left Ji Won talked to my parents. “Listen here,” he said as he sat down next to me. “I can get you hired and fired just like that.” And he snapped his fingers.
“We know, we know,” said my stepmom sweetly, pouring Ji Won some tea.

Ji Won didn’t drink it. “All I want is for you two to not touch Mina anymore. If I see another bruise on her, you knowthe consequences. Ji Won held my hand the entire time he spoke with my parents. I felt a strange warmth going through me and I knew that right then and there that I was falling in love with Eun Ji Won.

My dad remained quiet while my stepmother talked. “Of course Ji Won.”
Ji Won rolled his eyes. “Okay, and I’ll make sure you keep your promise.” Then Ji Won turned to face me. “Come on, let’s go.”

“What?” I asked confused.

“Go to my house with me.”

“Go go!” said my stepmom pushing me towards Ji Won. “Have fun kids and stay out as long as you like.” I knew my stepmom was really ticked off but she was playing it off pretty well.

********** PART 11 **********
Ji Won continued holding my hand and never once did he let it go. The walk to his house took us 15 minutes and I was enjoying every minute of it. When we reached his house, Ji Won let out a sigh.

“Mina,” he said softly. “Just stay quiet and let me do the talking okay?” I nodded my head and we entered his house. His house was huge! I felt as though I’m a peasant walking through a castle. He even had a few maids and butlers who attended us.

Ji Won led me to his room. It was nice and clean but there were a lot of holes all around his walls. I sat down on his bed as he went into the bathroom to take a quick shower. When he was done, he came out and sat next to me, holding my hand. I really am in love.

“Ji Won, how come your walls have a lot of holes?”

He shrugged his shoulders and I massaged it for him. As he relaxed, he answered me. “Oh, it’s cause I fight with my parents a lot so I take it out on the walls.” Judging by the holes, I can tell that he was really angry every time he made one. “Come on,” he said. He lifted me up on his back and gave me a piggyback ride downstairs. He smelled so good now that he’s clean and fresh.

His dad was waiting for him in the den. I waited outside while Ji Won came into facehis dad. Ji Won came in, uninterested in what his dad had to say. “What is it dad?”
“Ji Won, son…this is getting to be very tiring. Every few weeks you would run away, leaving me and your mother worrying about you.”

Ji Won smirked. “Sure you’re worried. That’s why you’re out with those hoes and mom’s out with those morons. It’s because I’m your only son. You’re just scared that when grandpa passes away he won’t put our family on the will.”

His father got angry. “Well do you want it to end up on your uncle’s side?” Ji Won gave his dad a look that showed he didn’t care. His dad continued talking. “Since I managed to have a son and my brother have no kids, I have the advantage. Son, listen to me. You know you’re my heir. All my wealth will be pass down to you.”

Ji Won looked at his dad disgusted. “All you care about is money! You don’t care about me!” he yelled as he stormed out of the den. Ji Won slammed the door open and grabbed my hand. “Come on, let’s go.”

********** PART 12 **********
I was confused and didn’t know what had happened. Ji Won held my hand and took me to the beach near his house. On the sand there were these 2 huge rocks. Ji Won led me over there. He lifted me up and we sat side by side. We remained silent until Ji Won took a deep breath of the ocean air.

“I love this place, don’t you?” he said to me smiling. I returned his smile and held onto his hand tighter. “Ji Won, what’s wrong?” Ji Won avoided my eyes. “Nothing.” I turned his chin to face me. “Come on, you know you can tell me.” He nodded.

“It’s my dad and this stupid feud he has with my uncle. They’re fighting over who will get the larger part in my grandpa’s will.”

“Oh…” I said softly.

“Isn’t it stupid?” he asked laughing. “My grandpa’s not even dead yet!”
I understood what was bothering him. So I didn’t say anything because I know he doesn’t want me to worry about it. He threwarock into the ocean and it skipped three times.

“Perfect” he said. “Why is it perfect?” I asked. “Age ain’t nothing but a number right?” he asked me, changing the subject. I thought about it for a while and nodded.
“Since I’m older than you by two years, that makes me your oppa,” Ji Won said to me.
“Yup,” I answered, smiling.

Ji Won smiled back. “I love you….”

I felt my heart my heart filled with a bubble of love but then Ji Won continued talking..”as a dongsang.” My bubble bursted. This was not what I had expected him to say.
I stared at Ji Won with wide eyes. I knew it was pretty forward of me but I had to ask.

“Y…your….donsang?” I managed to stutter out. Ji Won looked back at me with his puppyish eyes and smiled. He nodded his head gently. Have I been reading all his signs wrong?

“So what do you say?” he asked. “Want to be my dongsang?” Even though it was breaking my heart, I had no choice but to agree. I nodded. “Yes, I want to be your dongsang oppa.”

“Good,” he said.

Ji Won nodded and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small silver knife. I stared at him with wide eyes. “Ji Won, what are you going to do with that knife?”

He asked, “Do you trust me Mina?” I nodded my head without hesitation. I trusted Ji Won with my whole heart. He smiled at me. “Good. Lower the back of your shirt.” Ji Won pulled the back of my shirt down.

Then he used that knife to cut me. “Ow!” I screamed in pain but he continued anyways. He carved a small ‘E’ onto my shoulder blade. My back was bleeding and he bandaged it for me.

Then he handed the knife to me. “Here. Engrave your initial ‘M’ too cuz I don’t want to use the same last name as your mom.” My hand trembled as I held the knife. I didn’t want to hurt Ji Won. “Go ahead. Don’t worry, I can stand the pain.” I engraved an ‘M’ onto Ji Won’s back. I was surprised because he didn’t let a tear drop or cry out in pain. I bandaged him and he acted asifnothing had happen. When it was over, he held me close.

I held onto Ji Won tightly as if he was going to leave me. I know he only thinks of me as his little dongsang but it feels nice holding him like this.

As Ji Won held onto Mina, his smiling face instantly turned sad. He wanted to say ‘Mina, I love you as a girlfriend’ so she would be his forever but he couldn’t. He wasn’t the type to admit his feelings. So he figured the scarring was not an engravement of his brotherly love to Mina, but his promised symbol as a soulmate to her forever…

********** PART 12 **********
I was confused and didn’t know what had happened. Ji Won held my hand and took me to the beach near his house. On the sand there were these 2 huge rocks. Ji Won led me over there. He lifted me up and we sat side by side. We remained silent until Ji Won took a deep breath of the ocean air.

“I love this place, don’t you?” he said to me smiling. I returned his smile and held onto his hand tighter. “Ji Won, what’s wrong?” Ji Won avoided my eyes. “Nothing.” I turned his chin to face me. “Come on, you know you can tell me.” He nodded.

“It’s my dad and this stupid feud he has with my uncle. They’re fighting over who will get the larger part in my grandpa’s will.”

“Oh…” I said softly.

“Isn’t it stupid?” he asked laughing. “My grandpa’s not even dead yet!”
I understood what was bothering him. So I didn’t say anything because I know he doesn’t want me to worry about it. He threwarock into the ocean and it skipped three times. “Perfect” he said. “Why is it perfect?” I asked. “Age ain’t nothing but a number right?” he asked me, changing the subject. I thought about it for a while and nodded.

“Since I’m older than you by two years, that makes me your oppa,” Ji Won said to me.
“Yup,” I answered, smiling.

Ji Won smiled back. “I love you….”

I felt my heart my heart filled with a bubble of love but then Ji Won continued talking..”as a dongsang.” My bubble bursted. This was not what I had expected him to say.

I stared at Ji Won with wide eyes. I knew it was pretty forward of me but I had to ask. “Y…your….donsang?” I managed to stutter out. Ji Won looked back at me with his puppyish eyes and smiled. He nodded his head gently. Have I been reading all his signs wrong?

“So what do you say?” he asked. “Want to be my dongsang?” Even though it was breaking my heart, I had no choice but to agree. I nodded. “Yes, I want to be your dongsang oppa.”
“Good,” he said.

Ji Won nodded and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small silver knife. I stared at him with wide eyes. “Ji Won, what are you going to do with that knife?” He asked, “Do you trust me Mina?” I nodded my head without hesitation. I trusted Ji Won with my whole heart.

He smiled at me. “Good. Lower the back of your shirt.” Ji Won pulled the back of my shirt down. Then he used that knife to cut me. “Ow!” I screamed in pain but he continued anyways. He carved a small ‘E’ onto my shoulder blade. My back was bleeding and he bandaged it for me.

Then he handed the knife to me. “Here. Engrave your initial ‘M’ too cuz I don’t want to use the same last name as your mom.” My hand trembled as I held the knife. I didn’t want to hurt Ji Won. “Go ahead. Don’t worry, I can stand the pain.” I engraved an ‘M’ onto Ji Won’s back. I was surprised because he didn’t let a tear drop or cry out in pain. I bandaged him and he acted asifnothing had happen. When it was over, he held me close.

I held onto Ji Won tightly as if he was going to leave me. I know he only thinks of me as his little dongsang but it feels nice holding him like this.

As Ji Won held onto Mina, his smiling face instantly turned sad. He wanted to say ‘Mina, I love you as a girlfriend’ so she would be his forever but he couldn’t. He wasn’t the type to admit his feelings. So he figured the scarring was not an engravement of his brotherly love to Mina, but his promised symbol as a soulmate to her forever…

********** PART 13 **********
Years had pass and I’m still with Ji Won. I didn’t think it was possible but I grew more and more in love with Ji Won everyday. We would do a lot of stuff together and we never had any fights. We argue, but it never came to the point where we would get really mad at each other and he usually let me have it my way.

Kang Sung Hoon was Ji Won’s other friend and he hangs out with us a lot too. Sung Hoon is a little older than me and is really nice. He has this really cute smile that when he smiles, you can’t help but smile back. I called him ‘bang geul ee.’ His family life also isn’t good. His dad is a drunk and his mom had passed away when he was young. So usually it was the three of us together.

My home life is a lot better thanks to Ji Won. My stepmom didn’t dare to touch me anymore and it’s still the same between me and my dad. We don’t talk much. Ji Won’s parents like me a lot too. It’s because when they tell Ji Won to do something and he wouldn’t do it. They would come to me. I’m kind of like their pawn. Life was heaven for me until it completely shattered on day.

It started out with good news but who would have known it would end up in tragedy?
June 15, 1996

Mystepmom and dad came home one day from visiting the Euns. “Guess what?” my stepmom told me excitedly.

“What?” I asked calmly.

“The Euns are planning a wedding for you and Ji Won!”
I sat down because my knees gave out. This news hit me with total surprise but I was so happy to hear it because I’m so in love with Ji Won. “Really?” I asked excitedly? “How did this happened?”

“Mr. Eun wanted Ji Won to get married and he figured you’re the girl he should marry.”
“What did Ji Won say?” I had to ask. I didn’t want him to be forced into this.
“Of course he agreed,” she answered.

My breathing increased so I took out my respirator. After I calmed down, my stepmom took me into her room and told me all about the arrangements.
Meanwhile back at the Eun mansion…

“Just because you’re making this wedding for me and Mina doesn’t mean I owe you anything!” Ji Won yelled angrily at his dad.

Mr. Eun grabbed Ji Won by the collar of his shirt. “Ji Won! You listen to me. Once you and Mina get married, your grandpa will give you all of his businesses. Sharing part of it with your dad isn’t asking for much is it?” Ji Won pushed his dad away. He began to laugh. “The only two people grandpa will give the businesses to is me or uncle. He won’t give it to you because you’ll spend it all on those *bleep*s! I bet all your money is gone now.”

It was true. Mr. Eun was in serious debt and he needed Ji Won to get married because Ji Won’s grandpa was going to give Ji Won his inheritance once he gets married. Ji Won had just turned 18 and his dad had planned the marriage months ahead. His dad got on his knees. “Please son. Please do it for me.”

Ji Won rolled his eyes. “You’re so pathetic dad.” He sighed. Living with Mina taught him compassion and sympathy for people. “I’ll see what I can do dad.” He went into his room. Just then his cellular phone rang. He picked it up, thinkingit wasMina. Using his sexy voice, he whispered, “Hi Mina.”

A weird high-pitched giggle came from the other end of the line.
“Ooh…”said the voice. “Hi to you too sexy.”

Ji Won rolled his eyes. “Oh shut up Sung Hoon.”

Using his real voice, Sung Hoon began to laugh out loud. “Gross hyung! That’s how you talk to Mina? Ew! It gives me the chills!”

“Hey Sung Hoon,” said Ji Won seriously. “Is everything set and ready to go?”
“Yeah hyung,” said Sung Hoon.

“Good,” said Ji Won, smiling. “Meet me at the docks tonight. From there we can sail to the mainland airport and get away from Hawaii to start a new life in Korea.”
“Yeah,” said Sung Hoon. “But did you tell Mina about it?”

“No,” answered Ji Won, sighing. “I’m afraid she won’t leave her family. I’m planning to just kidnap her and take her along. It’s easier that way and no hassle.”
“Right,” said Sung Hoon. “At